|Ted:||And that kids is how met your mother.|
|Penny:||That was sweet dad.|
|Luke:||Yeah that was a pretty nice story.|
|Ted:||I'm glad you liked it, 'cause I know I certain- oh wow is that the time? I gotta go. See you guys soon. Love you! (Exits)|
|Penny:||Oh my god...|
|Luke:||I thought it was never going to end!|
|Penny:||I know right? Why was it so long?|
|(Enter Tracy, off camera)|
|Tracy:||Hi kids. Where's your dad gone?|
|Penny:||He had to go and catch his train.|
|Tracy:||His train... Huh. Hey, did I ever tell you guys the story of how I met your father?|
Ellen winning her 14th People’s Choice Award
"Well, bitch, that’s what happens when you’re fucking Ellen DeGeneres."
Omfg can we appreciate matty from awkward sort of peering over to see Ellen bless him
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
that was a wild ride